


Arthur Pendragon and Merlin Emrys Read Thirst Tweets

by cominupforair



Series: Camelot FC [2]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Football, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Gwaine is still my fave idiot, Idiots in Love, M/M, Thirst Tweets, this is pure sheer crack sorry not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25111006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cominupforair/pseuds/cominupforair
Summary: Merlin: Hi, I’m Merlin Emrys!Arthur: And I’m Arthur Pendragon. We’re Camelot’s Striker and-Merlin: Camelot’s Goalkeeper!Arthur: And today we’re going to- ehm-Merlin: Read some Thirst Tweets! Here we go!
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Camelot FC [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1818712
Comments: 88
Kudos: 615





	Arthur Pendragon and Merlin Emrys Read Thirst Tweets

**Author's Note:**

> This (very very stupid) fic is a sequel to [twitterature](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21030491), it probably won't make a lot of sense if you haven't read that first.  
>   
>  **Warning:** While this fic is rated as suited for “Teen and Up Audiences” because it does not contain adult themes, the contents of the Thirst Tweets are obviously explicit. Please proceed with caution!  
>   
> 

**Merlin** : Hi, I’m Merlin Emrys!

**Arthur** : And I’m Arthur Pendragon. We’re Camelot’s Striker and-

**Merlin** : Camelot’s goalkeeper!

**Arthur** : And today we’re going to- ehm-

**Merlin** : Read some Thirst Tweets! Here we go! (pulls out a tweet)

  


\--

  


**[redacted username]:** __ _@MEmrys’s cheekbones could cut me into fries and I’d still thank him_

  


**Merlin** : (laughs)

**Arthur** : (stares at the tweet, a bit disgusted and horrified)

**Merlin** : (laughs harder)

**Arthur** : (looks straight into the camera) The only reason his cheekbones are sharp is that he’s fallen headfirst so many times that they’ve sharpened with the floor of our flat. I promise you, it’s not sexy. (pulls out a tweet)

  


\--

  


**[redacted username]:** _how does Merlin Emrys manage to look cute and hot at the same time?_

  


**Merlin** : It’s sorcery. (winks at the camera)

**Arthur** : Shut up, you’re not cute!

**Merlin** : Which means that I’m hot?

**Arthur** : No.

**Merlin** : Oh, don’t act like you didn’t say exactly that the other night whe-

**Arthur** :  _MER_ LIN (covers Merlin’s mouth with his hand and smiles at the camera) Nobody wants to know.

**Merlin** : But we’re on Thirst Tweets!

**Arthur** : But there could be children watching.

**Merlin** : But we’re on Thirst Tweets!

**Arthur** : As if that’s ever stopped horny teenagers from watching adult contents! 

**Merlin** : Okay okay, fair point! Besides, we don’t want anyone finding out that you have feelings, right?

**Arthur** : Right. For the record I haven’t had one about me yet! 

**Merlin** : Oh they’re coming, don’t worry! (pulls out tweet)

  


\--

  


**[redacted username]:** _ _I_ _ _wish my partner had Pendragon’s thick muscular thighs, they make me swoon so bad_

  


**Arthur** : Dear [redacted username], I’m happy to know you appreciate the size of my thighs, if your partner wants to get muscular thighs they can DM me and I’ll happily send them my workout.

**Merlin** : (pulls out his sewing kit and an old pair of shorts)

**Arthur** : Merlin what are you doing?

**Merlin** : _ I’m just- er, enhancing your shorts for comfort and ease of use, we don’t want your (makes air quotes) “thick muscular” thighs to rip them  _ _ again _ , do we? 

**Arthur** : (rolls his eyes and pulls out a tweet)

  


\--

  


**[redacted username]:** _ _@KingArthur in an Armani suit is my sexuality_ _

  


**Merlin** : Same.

**Arthur** : (blushes) Merlin.

**Merlin** : But it’s the truth! (starts laughing)

**Arthur** : Shut up Merlin! And thank you [redacted username], my - ehm - my stylist will be delighted to know that you appreciate my outfit - Merlin stop laughing!

**Merlin** : (continues laughing while he pulls out a new tweet)

  


\--

  


**[redacted username]:** _ _torn between wanting to kiss Merlin Emrys and wanting to watch as he kisses Arthur Pendragon_ _

  


**Arthur** : ...This looks like something Gwaine would write.

**Merlin** : Nah, he’s grown tired of seeing us kiss. His excitement wore off after the hundredth time he caught us kissing. Besides he’s already kissed me once-

**Arthur** : HE WHAT? (takes his phone out of his pocket and dials a number) Gwaine, you  *beep* *beep* -

  


_*CUT*_

  


**Merlin** : Sorry, my husband is a jealous prat. Let’s get back to work. So [redacted username] believe me when I tell you that you don’t want to kiss me unless you’d like a furious Pendragon knocking on your door and going neanderthal (looks at Arthur, Arthur grunts). If you’d prefer to watch us kiss, instead, I believe the gif of us making out when Camelot won the Champions became last year’s most popular meme so... (shrugs and pulls out a new tweet)

  


\--

  


**[redacted username]:** _ _Pendragon please toss my salad!!!!_ _

  


**Arthur** : I- I don’t get it. Why would she want me to toss her salad? I mean, I would certainly do it if she needed my help with her salad, I just don’t get why - why is this a thirst tweet?

**Merlin** : (laughs and wheezes and clumsily falls off the chair)

  


* _CUT_ *

  


**Arthur** : The internet will have a field day with this interview. (covers his eyes with his hands)

**Merlin** : I can already see twitter flooded with gifs of your confused face saying “I don’t get it” after an unexpected encounter with some internet slang.

**Arthur** . Excuse me, I’m not the one who fell off his arse because he was laughing too hard!

**Merlin** : ...You have a point. Let’s move on! (pulls out a tweet)

  


\--

  


**[redacted username]:** _ _Roses are red. Cheetahs are quick. I want to suck Merlin’s d*ck._ _

  


**Arthur** : Aren’t cheetahs supposed to be fast rather than quick?

**Merlin** : Can you go one day without bragging that you went to Eton and were so rich you had private tutors teaching you how to  speak  Latin?

**Arthur** : But fast and *beep* don’t rhyme!

**Merlin** : Ok, hear me out, [redacted username] I’m going to fix this for you. Hopefully then Pendragon will stop being a clotpole. (gives the side-eye to Arthur)  _Roses are red. Cheetahs are fast. I want to suck Merlin’s shaft._

**Arthur** : You’re cheating Merlin, it’s a half-rhyme, it’s not a perfect rhy- 

**Merlin** : (covers Arthur’s mouth with his hand to prevent him from speaking) There, that’s better!

**Arthur** : (crosses his arms over his chest, pouts and pulls out a new tweet)

  


\--

  


**[redacted username]:** _I want Arthur Pendragon to spit on me like this [gif of Arthur spitting on the pitch during a game]_

  


**Merlin** : Uhm that’s- that’s poetry!

**Arthur** : I’ll never be able to spit on the pitch without thinking about this tweet now.

**Merlin** : Don’t let Elyan see this interview or he’ll put this tweet on a billboard.

**Arthur** : Actually, don’t let any of our teammates watch this! 

**Merlin** : Don’t hold your breath, they’ll probably learn this video by heart and quote it back to you every time you’re being an ass! Probably there are at least a dozen bets running on this interview...

**Arthur** : (looks into the camera) Gwaine, Percy, Elyan, Lance and Leon, if I find out you’ve watched the interview, I’ll make your run laps until you collapse on the floor and regret the day you were born! 

Merlin : He doesn’t mean it, don’t worry, he’s just cranky. Right, onto the next one! (pulls out a tweet) No, wait, look Arthur,  this  is poetry!

  


\--

  


**[redacted username]:** _ _Arthur Pendragon is daddy_ _

_ Arthur Pendragon is daddy _

_ Arthur Pendragon is daddy _

_ _Arthur Pendragon is daddy_ _

  


**Arthur** **:** Is this our cat Aithusa speaking?

**Merlin** : It’s probably the translation of what she meows when you spoil her and buy those incredibly overpriced treats she adores.

**Arthur** : (chuckles) Yeah, probably! (pulls out a tweet)

  


\--

  


**[redacted username]:** watching Emrys shut the goal makes me wet 

  


**Merlin** : Uh- what can I say? Thank you for allowing me to make you horny?

**Arthur** : (rolls his eyes and pulls out a tweet)

  


\--

  


**[redacted username]:** _I want someone to look at me like @MEmrys and @KingArthur look at each other_

  


**Merlin** : (smiles shyly) 

**Arthur** : See? Now you’ve broken him! (turns to look at Merlin)

**Merlin** : (stares back at Arthur)

**Arthur** : Yeah, okay, this is probably what they meant with that tweet… (kisses Merlin’s cheek, Merlin has a disgustingly smug smile on his face)

  


\--

  


**Merlin and Arthur:** And we’re done! 

**Arthur** : We are Arthur Pendragon and Merlin Emrys and we’ve both been emotionally scarred!

**Merlin** : Don’t listen to him! Thank you Buzzfeed, this was super fun and nice, we can’t wait to be back for another interview! 

  


  


_ **_BONUS:_ ** _

  


  


**whatsapp. groupchat: AP is a loser**

  


**Gwaine** : I won the bet!!!

**Gwaine** : Have you all seen the interview yet??

**Gwaine** : I won the bet, gimme my £££

**Elyan** : You said they would kiss, but that was not a kiss, it was just an innocent peck on Merlin’s cheek!!

**Gwaine** : A kiss is a kiss

**Gwaine** : I don’t discriminate 

**Gwaine** : I didn’t say they would snog in front of the cameras (they’ve already done that once I don’t expect more PDAs) I just said they would kiss!!

**Leon** : That’s not fair Gwaine, you’re cheating!

**Gwaine** : No, I’m not, I didn’t say the kiss had to be on their lips, I just said they would kiss so, now, pay up!

**Leon** : fine fine fine

**Elyan** : uhmfff

**Lance** : I actually think it’s Gwaine who has to pay this time...

**Gwaine** : No why?

**Leon** : y?

**Lance** : Because he promised he would not interfere, but one of the thirst tweets they read was his…

**Elyan** : THE ONE ABOUT WANTING TO KISS MERLIN

**Lance** : Yeah, he was trying to get them to kiss and win the bet

**Lance** : Please @Percy, you have access to your boyfriend’s phone, provide evidence!

**Percy** : [screenshot from one of Gwaine’s fake twitter profiles]

**Lance** : Thank you Percy, you’re the best <3 

**Percy** : He wasn’t even subtle hahaha

**Leon** : Even Arthur picked up on that!!!!

**Gwaine** : Yeah okay you got me *sad emojis*

**Elyan** : Great! Now that we’ve exposed Gwaine, let’s talk about important things. How big do we want the billboard with the “spit tweet” to be? Two feet, three feet? Maybe bigger? 

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is a side effect of watching too many Thirst Tweets videos on YouTube. I hope you enjoyed it, kudos, comments and feedback are always appreciated <3


End file.
